Yes, Starlings! Yes!

A compendium of the best & most starling-based & starling-related observational humor.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

May Mix





1. Jesus Is My Everything: Rev. McGhee
2. Shimmy She Wobble: Otha Turner & The Rising Star Fife And Drum Band
3. iii: Neokarma Jooklo Trio
4. Excitium (Litany of the Devouring Earth): Nightbringer
5. Reaping Death: Watain
6. I'm Happy: Hasil Adkins
7. Anyi: T++
8. Country Girl Blues: George Boldwin
9. Arkestry: Flying Lotus
10. The Great Medicine Dance: Love Cry Want
11. gOth bb: †‡†
12. The Inner Caligula: Coffinworm
13. Day Forty: Dead Fathers Wading In the Bodygrounds: Trap Them
14. Blues Without A Dime: Clifford Gibson
15. Colorado Girl: Townes Van Zandt

song: artist


Download Here

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Saltgrass Saltgrass


The new issue of Saltgrass is available:

Lisa Jarnot, Paige Ackerson-Kiely, Natalie Lyalin, Sandra Simonds, Laura Eve Engel, Tristan Tzara (translated by Heather Green), Gabe Durham, Maged Zaher, Jennifer Denrow, Catherine Meng, J. Boyer and Mark Yakich.

You can order a print copy on the website: www.saltgrassjournal.blogspot.com
Only $5!

This Wednesday in Downtown Denver: Support New Mexico Indigenous Leaders in Protesting the Expansion of Uranium Mining

Support New Mexico Indigenous Leaders in Protesting the Expansion of Uranium Mining and the Nuclear Cycle of Destruction

Demand a Clean Up of This Toxic Legacy and Respect for Sacred Lands

Wednesday, May 26, Noon
Grand Hyatt Hotel
1750 Welton Street, Denver, Colorado

On May 25-27 a delegation of Navajo community leaders will come to Denver to protest US Government support for expanding the nuclear industry that has already had a devastating impact on Native American and Chicano communities in New Mexico.

The Nuclear Regulatory Commission and the National Mining Association will host a “Uranium Recovery” conference designed to make it easier for mining companies to move forward with a new era of uranium mining.

When the uranium boom ended over thirty years ago, mining companies skipped town and left New Mexico with a devastating legacy of sick communities—including high rates of cancers, respiratory diseases, reproductive disorders and miscarriages. They also left contaminated water, soil, and air. There are still hundreds of abandoned uranium mines in New Mexico, largely located on Navajo land and Pueblo lands, and state and federal agencies are only now beginning to inventory those mines and begin the cleanup process.

Monday, May 24, 2010

The Wild World of Hasil "Haze" Adkins







Madison













Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Nobody Here

Monday, May 10, 2010

A Photo Essay Entitled "That's an Odd Place to See Brass Knuckles"


On a bowl of mixed nuts.




In front of the Lady of Guadeloupe.




Between an antler & a photo of a unidentified woman.




On top of some vegetarian bean curd pouch chicken.




Rubbing Julia's shoulder.




On top of my hippy deodorant.




In front of a painting my mom painted.




On a stack of books.




In front of a broadsheet of one section of "The Pond" by Zachary Schomburg.




On top of Julie Doxsee's latest book, Death Fog.




On D'Count's dogbed.




On top of a Kristeva book & in front of some house plants.



Where will these brass knuckles end up next?


Stay tuned to find out.

Sunday, May 09, 2010

This Happened Today

Today I wanted a veggie burger. I went to a restaurant/bar in town that has decent veggie burgers, though not as good at the restaurant/bar who has the veggie burgers I prefer.

I was sitting at the bar, eating my veggie burger, reading my book, when a man came in the door & surreptitiously left a dozen yellow roses on the bar. He kept a column of the bar between him & the bartender, so she did not see him.

No longer reading my book, though pretending to, I waited for the bartender to see the roses. When she did she picked them up, saw a card in an envelope, pulled the card out & put the roses back on the bar.

She opened the card & there was what looked like a three-page handwritten note inside. She read the note. I watched her, waiting to see how she would react. I considered a few possible ways to understand the scenario.

Possible Way One:

Since it's mother's day, these roses are from her baby's father, but they do not have a functioning relationship. The father wanted to express his feelings for her as the mother of his child on mother's day, but thought that his presence at her work would either upset her or lead to a fight.

Possible Way Two:

The flowers have nothing to do with mother's day & the operative detail is their yellow color, traditionally meaning friendship love. The man was a friend of the bartender's but he had done something awful to her & wanted to apologize. He was either ashamed to look her face-to-face or was, like the possible baby-daddy above, afraid that his presence at her work would either upset her or lead to a fight.

Possible Way Three:

The bartender is pregnant with the man's child (not to be rude, but there is a physical possibility that the bartender is pregnant). The two are not romantically together, but the man wants them to be. He has proposed to her, she has turned him down. He is attempting to woo the bartender, but when he was at the store buying roses, he felt that the red roses would be "too much."

Possible Way Four:

The man is a stalker.


The bartender read the note while standing in the corner of the bar area, where few people could see her. She was impassive. I was still watching over the top of my book. She finished the note, folded it back up & slip it back into the envelope with the card. She placed the envelope, with card & note inside, into a drawer. Then she filled the drink orders that had come in while she was reading the note. She did not register an emotional reaction on her face or in her posture.

After filling those drink orders, she picked up the yellow roses & without taking them out of their plastic sheath, she put them in a carafe that she'd half-filled with water.

One of the waitresses came up to her and asked "Can you make Mona something that will settle her stomach? She's hung over."

The bartender went about making some kind of soothing drink for Mona. I returned to reading my book.









Oh man. Look at this dog. He's got his arm over that thing.

I just heard on the radio that yoga is a $7 billion dollar industry.

On the other hand, there is a $12 billion dollar loaf-shaped-thing industry.

Monday, May 03, 2010

Something That Happened Today

Walking into my building on campus, wearing my dull green teacherly sweater & carrying my safety-yellow bike helmet, a guy walked up to me, pointed & said "You look cool. What's your name?"

He stuck out his big hand to shake mine & instinctively I shook his hand. I did not look cool. I looked like & currently look like a boring, shoddily dressed teacher. I don't really think I ever look cool, but if I sometimes look more cool & less cool then today was definitely a day I look less cool.

So I was laughing already, shaking his hand. On a quick decision that telling him my full name would result in him asking me about my name I said my name is Matt.

Of course, he was a campus bilker for Greenpeace & he asked me if I had "three minutes to chat." I said no & apologized, at which point the normal campus bilker for Greenpeace would give up & try his trick on the next un-cool looking person. But instead he began chanting "Chat Matt! Chat Matt!: And this chant followed me into my building.


* * * * * * *


In other news, Jon Pack Approves or Disapproves is alive again. It took a three year break to improve on its approval or disapproval algorithms, but now they are state of the art.