Perps

Friday morning someone broke into my car & stole my ipod & a couple other things. My immediate reactions were this:

1. It would be funny to tell people that based on this experience I have decided to become a republican.

2. I could write a racist/classist Finding Forrester-esque screenplay about how the perp decides to listen to my ipod & gets turned on to avant-garde drone music & Albert Ayler & Biber sonantas & how this music expresses some deep-seeded sense of dissatisfaction in him. This newfound interest in avant music leads him back to education & then to college for a degree in music theory & composition. Then one day I unaware attend a performance of his work & at an event afterwards he recounts how the ipod he stole that day 20 years ago changed his life. I realize that is was my ipod & look on warmly knowing & smugly superior. Get some decent actor who doesn't do interesting movies any more (Paul Giamatti?) to play me & it'll get a few oscar nominations.

But instead I went to Russ' & bought giant sized zip loc bags & clear duct tape & taped my window up & drove hank back to Omaha to catch his flight. Have you seen these giant Zip Loc bags?



I guess they are marketed for sweaters & balnkets & such, but when I see a zip loc bag I think "food." When I see a humongous zip loc bag I think "humongous food." Which ends up being gallons of peas, or millions of baby carrots of huge chunks of meat. Then huge chunks of mean makes me think of human body parts. Then I imagine that zip loc bags are the company's solution for what to do with the body.